Abe Lincoln's Top Hat

Featuring Cave Comedy Radio mainstays Ben Kissel and Marcus Parks, Abe Lincoln's Top Hat is a twice weekly take on the politics of our time, despite the fact that none of it really matters and everything is one a rapid downward spiral anyway so we might as well have fun with it all in the meantime.

Episode: 100

Damascus to Beirut with Saman Arbabi

Today on Top Hat: Saman Arbabi joins Ben and Marcus to sort out what's happening in Syria including a rebel who ate the heart of a Syrian soldier, Israel's current stance on the situation, and how the whole thing relates to World War I, plus Saman tells a few war stories about the Lebanese-Israeli War of 2006 and his numerous run-ins with Hezbolah.

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Episode: 99

Kokoogey

Today on Top Hat: it's an up and down week for President Obama as he takes heat for the Tea Party tax scandal while being vindicated on the truth behind the leaked Benghazi emails.

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Episode: 98

Political Fiddling

Today on Top Hat: Mark Sanford pulls off the impossible and regains his seat in the Senate, the Ohio kidnap case is touched on, and Bill Clinton fails in his quest to reunite Led Zeppelin.

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Episode: 97

Welcoming the Nimble

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus cover all the angles of the Benghazi scandal, Chris Christie's lap band surgery, and what's going to happen in Syria.

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Episode: 96

Fire Murder with Micah Sherman

Today on Top Hat: Micah Sherman joins Ben and Marcus to discuss the three new alleged Boston bombing accomplices, a crooked judge convicted of selling teenagers to private prisons for kickbacks, and a case involving arson that Micah was a juror for.

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Episode: 95

Lawyer to the Stars with Saman Arbabi

Today on Top Hat: Saman Arbabi joins Marcus and Ben to talk about Syria's alleged chemical weapons, Rick Perry's outrage over a cartoon, and the Boston bombers.

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Episode: 94

A Great Situation of Buggery

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus discuss the conspiracy theories surrounding the Boston bombings, Dennis Rodman becomes an FBI agent, and a senator receives ricin in the mail.

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Episode: 93

Theodism

Today on Top Hat: a mayor in Pennsylvania is busted for trying to force a dude into a blow job at gunpoint and a city councilman in NYC being busted for election fraud is revealed to be a member of a kooky religion.

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Episode: 92

My Wife Has Balls...Literally

Today on Top Hat: Tim Dillon returns to discuss a new law concerning transgendered people and bathrooms, stop and frisk laws, and whether or not liberals actively want to destroy society.

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Episode: 91

Shorty Fleas with Tim Dillon

Today on Top Hat: Tim Dillon joins Marcus and Ben for a spirited discussion about government programs, the effect of illegitimacy on crime, and drones in New York City

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Episode: 90

Ridin' That Twilight Wave

Today on Top Hat: Matt Sky joins Ben and Marcus once again to talk about the Republican party's latest identity crisis, Newt Gingrich donates a signed basketball to a liberal March Madness political tournament, and sadness befalls the group as the assault weapons bill dies.

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Episode: 89

Tease Business

Today on Top Hat: the government funds a surprising new bit of research concerning the nation's hefty lesbian population, Steven Seagal visits Russia to teach physical fitness, and an old story involving Bill O'Reilly and a falafel is revisited for no particular reason.

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Episode: 88

Pronounced Go-mert

It's a day for stupid, stupid lawmakers here on Top Hat as Louis Gohmert introduces a bill to keep the President from golfing and a Washington senator claims bike riders cause pollution. However, we do have Rand Paul railing against drones on American soil for 13 hours so it ain't all bad.

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Episode: 87

Just a Playful Dennis

Today on Top Hat: Hugo Chavez is dead and his government says the USA is to blame, another Tea Partier gets in trouble for posting something racist having to do with watermelons, and Dennis Rodman, secret CIA agent, takes a trip to North Korea.

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Episode: 86

Pass the Milky Ways with Ed Larson

Today on Top Hat: Ed Larson of the Round Table and The Burn joins Marcus and Ben to talk about crossing the line, including Glenn Beck's outrage over two new WWE stars and high school students dressing up as KKK members. No Oscars talk, thank Christ.

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Episode: 85

The Currency Wars

Today on Top Hat: return guest Chris Catalano joins Marcus and Ben to talk about China's currency manipulation and how currency manipulation is possibly the warfare of the 21st century.

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Episode: 83

Your Final Destruction

Today on Top Hat: a Missouri lawmaker introduces what is possibly the most ridiculous bill seen in years, North Korea heats up their rhetoric by aping video game villan speak, and Republicans finally get around to photoshopping other Republicans as Nazis.

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Episode: 82

The Chicken McNugget Drone Plan

Today on Top Hat: Marcus, Ben, and special guest Matt Sky discuss the Navy's response to the Bin Laden killer's complaints, the military's new medal for drone operators, and a racist father who made a racist request upon the birth of her daughter.

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Episode: 81

Bat Signal By Year's End

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus analyze the POTUS SATUA (think about it) and put a cap on the whole Los Angeles cop-killer / folk hero debacle.

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Episode: 80

Johnny Dictator

Today on Top Hat: Saman Arbabi joins Marcus and Ben to talk about the cop-killer terrorizing Los Angeles, Steven Seagal training Joe Arpaio's posse, and all the wacky shenanigans Iran has been up to in the last couple of weeks.

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Episode: 79

The Nest of Wickedness

Today on Top Hat: Chuck Hagel is on track to be nominated as Defense Secretary, Karl Rove starts a Republican civil war, and cannibalism is sweeping famine-stricken North Korea.

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Episode: 78

The Monkey-Israeli War of 2020

Today on Top Hat: a senator from New Jersey is accused of a sex scandal with underage Dominican prostitutes, the Alabama hostage stand-off continues, and Corey Booker may go against Geraldo Rivera in a Senate race.

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Episode: 77

Cigar Convention

Today on Top Hat: special guest Chris Catalano joins us to talk about rights for sex offenders and his personal experience with the subject.

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Episode: 76

Pee for Jello

Today on Top Hat: Marcus and Ben talk about a kid in Texas inspired by Rob Zombie's Halloween, Leon Panetta's decision to allow women in combat, and the Republican's latest wacky plans related to gerrymandering.

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Episode: 75

Fetus Photographer

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus discuss the Inauguration, a lawmaker with an A from the NRA looking to blame video games, and Ben's past experiences going to Pro Life rallies as a child.

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Episode: 74

Plantation Hoedown

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus talk about Gun Appreciation Day, the new abortion laws in Virginia, and the inexplicable reasoning behind the Republicans holding a conference about communicating with minorities at a former plantation.

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Episode: 73

No Guns for Nerds

Today on Top Hat: guns are being placed in the hands of janitors and alleged child molesters to protect elementary schools, Pat Robertson inexplicably answers a question from Maxim magazine, and Ben figures out the people who really don't need guns.

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Episode: 72

Ben Kissel's Little Caesar's Bigfoot Pizza Redistricting Plan

Today on Top Hat: a pair of chrononauts accuse the President of covertly going to Mars, the cause of Kim Jong-Il's death is finally revealed, and Kissel comes up with a surprisingly reasonable plan to save America.

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Episode: 71

Sleeper Cells

Today on Top Hat: comedian and employee of Glenn Beck's The Blaze Matt Fischer joins Marcus and Ben to talk about the man himself including a particularly illuminating private jet journey and Matt's own fight against Progressive Insurance.

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Episode: 70

Potato Meat

Today on Top Hat: America approaches the Milk Cliff, guns continue to dominate the national conversation, and Marcus returns from Texas with suitably disturbing tales involving piglets and bones.

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Episode: 69

Assault Anything

Today on Top Hat: Round Table favorite Micah Sherman joins Ben and Marcus to talk about the Sandy Hook shooting and America's history of mass murder.

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Episode: 68

The Secret of the Federal Reserve

Today on Top Hat: Saman Arbabi returns to talk about a myriad of topics including the current situation in Egypt, Iran's latest drone claims, and what Texas and the Middle East has in common.

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Episode: 67

Vince Vaughn's Verklempt Venture

Today on Top Hat: James Adomian joins Ben and Marcus to discuss low sperm counts, head injuries, and Glenn Beck's exciting new partnership with Vince Vaughn.

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Episode: 66

Strange Wool

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus explore the nefarious plot that is Plan X, North Korea's latest shenanigans, and the possibility of Ben dying drunk and stoned in a pool.

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Episode: 65

Words That Can't Be Said

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus discuss the latest Bradley Manning news and China's unfortunate Kim Jong-Il mistake.

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Episode: 64

Bunky Moon

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus try to explain this here Fiscal Cliff that's coming up and discuss a few of the people who suddenly want to kill the President.

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Episode: 63

The Judge Roy Bean

Today on Top Hat: Ben tells of his experience performing jury duty in the city of Brooklyn (faith in the American judicial system is not restored) and Marcus fawns over Argo a bit.

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Episode: 62

The Education of Ron Krasnow

Today on Top Hat: special guest Ron Krasnow comes into the studio to talk about the current state of education in America and to brag about his own fancy Massachusetts education while Ben and Marcus lament their horrible Christian private school and Texas public school educations.

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Episode: 61

Sergeant Pants

Today on Top Hat: Marcus and Ben explore the David Petraeus sex scandal.

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Episode: 60

The Biggest Thing That Ever Happened Here In Shanksville

Now that this hellish election is over, Ben and Marcus can finally get back to exploring the finer points of the American political system. On today's episode, comedian Tim Warner joins the boys to talk about a few fairly reasonable points concerning the mysteries surrounding 9/11.

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Episode: 59

Election Night Special!

On this Top Hat, Marcus and Ben reminisce about their favorite moments of the campaign over the last year. Thank Christ it's almost over.

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Episode: 58

Hurricane Ain't Gonna Get Us

Today on Top Hat: were reptiles involved in the toppling of Momar Gaddafi? Listen in as we answer that question and more, plus a post-Hurricane Sandy update is given and Mitt Romney's horrible handling of the crisis is discussed.

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Episode: 57

Big Ben's Butts and Boys

Today on Top Hat: a general overview of the last debate is made, the Log Cabin Republicans finally give in and endorse Romney, and Marcus and Ben finally realize how dumb this entire campaign has been.

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Episode: 55

Troll Hunter

Today on Top Hat: an anonymous troll hunter who has exposed racist internet denizens in the past joins Ben and Marcus to discuss the Reddit violentacrez unmasking.

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Episode: 56

Two Pennies Per Penny

Today on Top Hat: Paul Ryan causes a scandal at a soup kitchen, Mitt Romney is taught how to sit on a bar stool, and the concept of the gold standard is explored.

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Episode: 54

JAF

Today on Top Hat: Marcus and Ben discuss the VP debates and a new book written by a former evangelical who lived as a gay man for a year.

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Episode: 53

Here Come The Dancing Horses

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus discuss the debates, an insane member of the congressional Science and Technology Committee, and bras filled with peanut butter.

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Episode: 52

Chopper Bob

Today on Top Hat: Saman Arbabi joins us to discuss the recent on-air Fox News suicide, the latest Gitmo detainee to be set free, and the recent controversial anti-Muslim ads here in the city's subways.

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Episode: 51

Ventura / Gore 2016

Today on Top Hat: Ed Larson of the Round Table joins Marcus and Ben to discuss our fat military, Madonna's horrible statement about the president, and the best political platform to come along, well, ever.

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Episode: 50

Bouquet

On this, the 50th episode of Top Hat: the conversation about The Innocence of Muslims continues with Senior Middle Eastern Correspondent Saman Arbabi. The solution? Fleshlight bouquets.

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Episode: 49

I Eat Your Bologna

In this, our first of two episodes about The Innocence of Muslims, Ben and Marcus discuss the makers of the film, lunatics that they are.

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Episode: 48

I Want a Wife

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus talk about the DNC convention, Mitt Romeny's anti-gay ads, and Kissel's top priority at the moment.

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Episode: 47

Mud Hands

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus have a pre-DNC episode discussing the platform the Dems went into the convention with and Glenn Beck's horrible, terrible journey to NYC.

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Episode: 46

The Dictator Series Part II: Motherlode

Today on Top Hat: Saman Arbabi returns to give us an update as to what's happening in the middle east because we sure as hell don't know, plus a discussion about the horrible deaths that await most dictators is had.

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Episode: 45

Rape Talk

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus discuss the comments made last week by Todd Akin, he of natural defense against rape statements.

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Episode: 44

Sir Sitsonuts

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus discuss the ramifications of Romney choosing Paul Ryan for his running mate.

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Episode: 43

The Dictator Series Part 1: Saddam Hussein

This week on Top Hat: Ben, Marcus, and Saman begin their series of shows about famous dictators starting with our man Saddam. Big dumb guns abound!

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Episode: 42

A Sucker for Crowds

This week on Top Hat: Saman Arbabi joins us once again to discuss the Olympics, the Dark Knight killer, and Syria.

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Episode: 41

Pulling Guns on the Knefels

Today on Top Hat: renowned politicos John and Molly Knefel drop by to discuss the state of gun control in America and the horrors of solitary confinement plus Marcus pulls multiple weapons from his arsenal on everyone involved.

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Episode: 40

Conversations with Saman Arbabi

Today on Top Hat: Ben and Marcus welcome international journalist Saman Arbabi into the studio to discuss why one should never splash around in the puddles on the streets of Kabul, what it was like to be on The Daily Show, and a tasty experience with interrogators involving delicious mint tea.

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Episode: 39

Goodbye Thaddeus

Today on Top Hat: Holden McNeely of the Round Table joins us to mourn the death of Thaddeus McCotter's political career and talk about the Civil War.

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Episode: 38

Dog Food

Today on Top Hat: Mitt Romney is caught investing in a fetus disposal business, Arizona is edging closer and closer to a police state, and Ben is upset over an arbitrary rule at a bar.

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Episode: 37

Good Pancakes

Today on Top Hat: comedian, actor, and Round Table favorite Jermaine Fowler drops in to discuss drones, stop and frisk, and the first and only time he smoked weed. Roach spray.

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Episode: 36

Collarbone

Today on Top Hat: Jackie Zebrowski of CCR's Page 7 comes in to discuss Obama's celebrity friends, drones, and why America should get a little more Stalinist.

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Episode: 35

Gettin' Muled

Today on Top Hat: Round Table month begins as Ed Larson joins Marcus and Ben to talk about a cursing ban in the midwest, fat, and getting arrested.

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Episode: 34

The Black President's Best Friend

Today on Top Hat: special guest Baratunde Thurston sits in to discuss Corey Booker's vomit gaffe, the blossoming relationship between John Edwards and one of the alternate jurors, and why Biden should be wingman to every black president until he dies.

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